We all have witnessed situations where we were misunderstood or we misinterpreted, and then being pulled into a squabble which not only soured the relationship but etched in our memory. The thought of that memory keeps disturbing us, every now and then. The pain is proportional to the degree of closeness that we have. We relieve the memory, reflecting on it and hoping a different outcome. It’s sad. Well conflicts are not just restricted to personal relationship but has become a larger part of our professional set up as well. The healthy interpersonal relationship is a critical ingredient of any successful project/team/collaboration or relationship and it does not come easy. Having said that, it’s not either unattainable. 

Perceptual Positions comes handy to deal with all kinds of disagreements in interpersonal relationship. It is a reframing exercise from NLP ( Neuro Linguistic Programing ) where it ensures that someone can look at a situation from three different perceptual positions, they can gain insight by means of three different perspectives. The three perceptual positions include the 1st position (Self), the 2nd position (the other), and the 3rd position (the observer), also called the Meta Position. The perceptual position exercise is a profound tool for conflict resolution as it enables an individual to distance themselves from emotionally-charged situations or events and provides the ability for one to see things from another person’s point of view. This is a critical skill in understanding people and is pertinent for communication processes in all association of any nature. Let’s understand the three perceptual positions :

First Position (Self) : This is our own viewpoint, Within NLP, this is called the ‘fully-associated position’. It is seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through our own eyes, ears and emotions.In simple terms, it is about what we think and what we want. It is always about “ I” . This is a basic position to be in, as largely all of us, stands up for what we think and what we want. Unfortunately, we don’t grow beyond our perspective and fastened ourselves in it all through our lives. It is also called as high emotional zone, as we tend to respond emotionally.

Second Position (Other) : This is other person’s viewpoint, wherein you think from other person’s perspective by placing yourself in the other person’s shoes. When in their shoes, you are more likely to understand how they see you and what their feelings and motivations are. This position helps you to empathize with other, as you experience (see, hear and feel) the situation as if you were them. You visualize in terms of how this situation would appear or be interpreted by the other person. This position takes you beyond your perspective and provides you a glimpse of other’s perspective. It is advisable not to get fixated in this position for long as it slips you in a zone, called a pushover or a doormat. However when in this position, you broaden your stance of the other person and it gives you more clarity on the cause of the conflict to some extent.

Third Position (Meta ) : This is the third person’s viewpoint, which is an ideal way of looking into a situation. Here in you detach yourself from the emotions of a situation and procure an impassive overview. From this position you can perceive the interactions between yourself and others as a whole system. You can see how you responded to the other person, and vice versa. This is the evolved position to be in, as now you visualize the situation objectively, focussing on the bigger picture and working towards the resolution. This position is not an easy one to be in as you need to be in a strong resourceful state and take an objective view of the situation, omitting emotions n ego and respond differently in order to achieve a positive outcome. This stance is usually opted by the supervisors or people in charge. The meta position perspective is always appreciated in the long run since it targets the bigger goal, a bigger picture hence is scorned initially.

So next time in disagreement, evaluate the situation by placing yourself in all the three positions before responding to it. By adopting the perceptual position, it is likely that you transform yourself into a matured individual and giveaway your habit of instinctive response to every situation.In simpler terms, it means – look before you leap !!!